I went to my first stroller boot camp on Friday with Ascend fitness. Almost died. Forgot my inhaler. Was also extremely nervous because I have never done anything like that in my life. There was only a few people there but there was a man there working out which I thought was a bit uncomfortable as I thought it would be a women's class I could understand if he had a baby like a single father or something, but nothing. Just a regular old man hanging out. I found the class very hard and challenging then again haven't really worked out since well before I got pregnant. I am going to pay for 3 months of classes and give it a shot. Yet I seem to be lacking motivation lately. Serious motivation, even to do the simplest things.
When I was growing up I was diagnosed with ADHD. I was on all kinds of medications for it. Ritilan, Risperadal, Welbutrin, Dexodrine. Probably spelt all those wrong but oh well. I always thought I just grew out of my ADHD and got depression. But I think my ADHD morphed more into ADD. It's like without the hyper now. I barely ever get hyper anymore and only when I am running on lack of sleep. I just finished googling and reading this article online about adult ADD and it completely explains a lot. I thought all the things I was feeling was part of the depression but I think that is a totally separate issue.
I definitely zone out in the middle of conversations with people and end up just nodding or saying uh huh because I am too embarrassed to say I wasn't listening can you repeat that? I'm always starting projects around the house and getting distracted, not finishing them, starting another half way through. It is so annoying and frustrating. Or I'll be doing something and stop to read a text message, then I end up checking my email, going on facebook, playing a game, etc. I think one of the things Brandon would notice the most is not remember what he said. He gets so upset some times and says stuff like "I told you like 3 times, how do you not remember" and I know inside that he must of but I swear up and down I couldn't remember for the life of me. Another big thing is I hate being interrupted which my mom is famous for doing to me and then I get made because for the love of god I can't remember what I was going to say. Yet at the same time I always catch my self interuppting people and I totally don't mean to and I hate it when people do that to me. Or I'll try to sit down and read my book and I read like 2 sentences then focus on something else then go back and read 2 more sentences then get distracted again. It's like the simplest things take the most dedicated concentration for me to do. It is so frustrating and stupid.
In this article it talks about a thing called hyperfocusing. I am so guilty of that.
As much as I try to get organized and stay organized, really everything is just a cluster F$%#/. I always procrastinate with everything. I'll say "oh after this cup of coffee I'm gonna get the laundry started." then I end up doing everything but. I feel so lazy but I know that it is so much more then that. I am always starting stuff and half finishing it. Mostly because I get bored of it so quick or distracted by something else. If I didn't have a calendar and alarm on my phone I would be screwed. I am totally dependent on it to remind me of all my doctors appointments, dentist, truck appointments etc., or I would be late for them all. I'm always loosing things like my keys, wallet, bank card, glasses etc.
Like I said earlier I always catch myself interrupting people even if I don't mean to. I totally always say things that are inappropriate, it's not only embarrassing but it is annoying to. Not to mention sitting still is definitely not one of my forte's, I am always moving my feet. Not necessarily my hands but definitely my feet.
The next part of the article talks about emotional difficulties I am definitely experiencing every one of those things. I almost always have a feeling of underachievement and I definitely have a lack of patience. I do not deal with frustration well and I very very easily get flustered and stressed out. Along with that usually once I start to get flustered I also get very hot and sweaty. I get irritable often and especially lately I have been having mood swings. MOTIVATION. Definitely lacking that. It is one of the biggest things I think I notice. I thought it was mostly part of the depression but now I definitely believe that it comes from the ADD. I definitely don't take criticism well anymore. I can have an explosive temper it was really bad the last couple years, my daughter definitely helps me hold that part back. No matter how much people coplement me or tell me other wise I always have a low self-esteem and sense of insecurity. A big part of that has been weight gain. I don't tell a lot of people this because I know a lot of people would find it silly but another big part of that is my teeth.
For the hyper activity part there is a few things that apply to me. The feelings of restlessness, definitely think that has been affecting my sleeping. I get bored with things really easy. My thoughts are always racing like right now. Hence this giant blog entry. I have trouble sitting still and sometimes I talk excessively. It's not mentioned but sometimes when I talk excessively I catch my self repeating things I know I have already said. I definitely try to do more than one thing at a time. Maybe not a million but more then I should.
I am going to try and make a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I am absolutely sick of having no motivation and feeling lazy all the time. I just wanna get off my ass. I don't know why it is so hard. Well actually I guess this is why. For anyone who has been reading my blog. Please don't judge me. Only positive feedback is needed.
When I was growing up I was diagnosed with ADHD. I was on all kinds of medications for it. Ritilan, Risperadal, Welbutrin, Dexodrine. Probably spelt all those wrong but oh well. I always thought I just grew out of my ADHD and got depression. But I think my ADHD morphed more into ADD. It's like without the hyper now. I barely ever get hyper anymore and only when I am running on lack of sleep. I just finished googling and reading this article online about adult ADD and it completely explains a lot. I thought all the things I was feeling was part of the depression but I think that is a totally separate issue.
I definitely zone out in the middle of conversations with people and end up just nodding or saying uh huh because I am too embarrassed to say I wasn't listening can you repeat that? I'm always starting projects around the house and getting distracted, not finishing them, starting another half way through. It is so annoying and frustrating. Or I'll be doing something and stop to read a text message, then I end up checking my email, going on facebook, playing a game, etc. I think one of the things Brandon would notice the most is not remember what he said. He gets so upset some times and says stuff like "I told you like 3 times, how do you not remember" and I know inside that he must of but I swear up and down I couldn't remember for the life of me. Another big thing is I hate being interrupted which my mom is famous for doing to me and then I get made because for the love of god I can't remember what I was going to say. Yet at the same time I always catch my self interuppting people and I totally don't mean to and I hate it when people do that to me. Or I'll try to sit down and read my book and I read like 2 sentences then focus on something else then go back and read 2 more sentences then get distracted again. It's like the simplest things take the most dedicated concentration for me to do. It is so frustrating and stupid.
In this article it talks about a thing called hyperfocusing. I am so guilty of that.
Hyperfocus is actually a coping mechanism for distraction—a way of tuning out the chaos. It can be so strong that you become oblivious to everything going on around you. For example, you may be so engrossed in a book, a TV show, or your computer that you completely lose track of time and neglect the things you’re supposed to be doing. Hyperfocus can be an asset when channeled into productive activities, but it can also lead to work and relationship problems if left unchecked.When I focus on something I become so obsessed with it sometimes that I completely forget what I was supposed to be doing! Like I mentioned earlier with my phone I'll stop to check one thing then I end up checking everything. Another one is I'll go to watch 1 show recorded on our PVR and I'll end of watching the whole series instead of doing what I was supposed to be doing.
As much as I try to get organized and stay organized, really everything is just a cluster F$%#/. I always procrastinate with everything. I'll say "oh after this cup of coffee I'm gonna get the laundry started." then I end up doing everything but. I feel so lazy but I know that it is so much more then that. I am always starting stuff and half finishing it. Mostly because I get bored of it so quick or distracted by something else. If I didn't have a calendar and alarm on my phone I would be screwed. I am totally dependent on it to remind me of all my doctors appointments, dentist, truck appointments etc., or I would be late for them all. I'm always loosing things like my keys, wallet, bank card, glasses etc.
Like I said earlier I always catch myself interrupting people even if I don't mean to. I totally always say things that are inappropriate, it's not only embarrassing but it is annoying to. Not to mention sitting still is definitely not one of my forte's, I am always moving my feet. Not necessarily my hands but definitely my feet.
The next part of the article talks about emotional difficulties I am definitely experiencing every one of those things. I almost always have a feeling of underachievement and I definitely have a lack of patience. I do not deal with frustration well and I very very easily get flustered and stressed out. Along with that usually once I start to get flustered I also get very hot and sweaty. I get irritable often and especially lately I have been having mood swings. MOTIVATION. Definitely lacking that. It is one of the biggest things I think I notice. I thought it was mostly part of the depression but now I definitely believe that it comes from the ADD. I definitely don't take criticism well anymore. I can have an explosive temper it was really bad the last couple years, my daughter definitely helps me hold that part back. No matter how much people coplement me or tell me other wise I always have a low self-esteem and sense of insecurity. A big part of that has been weight gain. I don't tell a lot of people this because I know a lot of people would find it silly but another big part of that is my teeth.
For the hyper activity part there is a few things that apply to me. The feelings of restlessness, definitely think that has been affecting my sleeping. I get bored with things really easy. My thoughts are always racing like right now. Hence this giant blog entry. I have trouble sitting still and sometimes I talk excessively. It's not mentioned but sometimes when I talk excessively I catch my self repeating things I know I have already said. I definitely try to do more than one thing at a time. Maybe not a million but more then I should.
I am going to try and make a doctor's appointment tomorrow. I am absolutely sick of having no motivation and feeling lazy all the time. I just wanna get off my ass. I don't know why it is so hard. Well actually I guess this is why. For anyone who has been reading my blog. Please don't judge me. Only positive feedback is needed.
On a lighter note this is my beautiful daughter at 4 months old...........
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| Carharrt coveralls auntie and uncle got her, 4 months old |
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